Latest Posts

  • Susanna and Mii

    Susanna and Mii

    Yesterday I had been driven inside by the cold and resorted to Wii Fit U, Free Run, in lieu of my walk in the park. The simulated run was icy in appearance, snow falling in seasonal nature graphics. Somehow it was dark in my running world though it was only 3 PM, but I did not mind following…… Read more

  • Noise, and Silence

    My son is noisy to the point of hurting my ears. Not at school or in public places, there he is rather shy. I mean at home. There is much guttural screaming for the sake of screaming. There are a range of funny voices and accents and bizarre fits of laughter. Sometimes he falls into…… Read more

  • Flower Sniffer

    The story of Ferdinand the bull set a tone for my life early on. I believe it was written in the thirties, the story of a Spanish bull mistakenly taken as a fighter when he was actually a gentle flower sniffer. Fighting happens and can be necessary, but I certainly do not like it. I…… Read more

  • My Boat is Small

    There is a kind of fear that comes with being a mother. I know I am not alone with this, and probably many fathers have it as well. A deep and unsettling fear of everything. Everything that might harm your children. You learn to manage it, yet it is always there. When I was pregnant…… Read more

  • The Birthday Party Goes On

    The Birthday Party Goes On

    Today is Susanna’s birthday, six years since I gave birth to her. It has also become “Susanna’s Day of Kindness”, with people doing amazing things because they know about her. I am not ready to write about that today. There are intense happenings inside of me which have not crystalized into words yet. I will…… Read more

  • Why I Do Not Have a Tattoo

    I thought about getting a tattoo after Susanna died. Pictures of a potential self to become drifted through my mind at times, and for some reason she had black hair, skull shaped silver rings and tattoos. Also I understood the permanence, a person’s memory inked into your body for the life span of the body,…… Read more

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