Category: Uncategorized

I never forget that Susanna has died, yet I constantly re-remember. One moment I am busy with work to do, the next the crippling realization floats back in. It happened today as I was picking up a few things for Christmas and had to once again come to terms with the missing half of the… Continue reading They’re Here!

Late in the morning, on Thanksgiving, I went back to bed and took a nap. This is turning out to be a long and painful holiday. My escape and solace is in walking outdoors and sleeping a bit. My son crawled in next to me and played on his iPad while I drifted and my… Continue reading Fingertips

Susanna spoke in full sentences at an early age. Sometimes I would scan things on the internet about speech development, but they did not make sense to me because she pretty much started in strings of words rather than separate ones. I sometimes wonder how much of her knew that her time here would be… Continue reading Five Years

There is someone residing within me who used to let go more often. Someone who fought and struggled but came out phoenix-like, to greet the sun the next morning. I know I have it in me. Things are dim from where I am but I invest because I know this. Many say the second year… Continue reading Compass Points

There have been many small things to take care of this summer and I have done pretty well with fulfilling my list. Much cleaning and organizing has taken place. To set the stage for this post, we still have Susanna’s things, close to the way she left them. There is no reason to let go… Continue reading That Which Remains

A few nights ago I was awake at four a.m., not unusual at all. I walked around the house a little, went to the bathroom and drank some water. Frequently I feel some spirit activity at this time which I cannot put my finger on. “The witching hour”, I have heard it called. Closer to… Continue reading Time Machine?

Brain aneurysms suck. I have not become an expert, like I might have expected to be. Past one year now since Susanna’s aneurysm ruptured I am still busy grappling with the position of my feet on the earth. Such a wonder every day, the earth is still here and I am still on it, with… Continue reading Brain Aneurysms Suck

I slept much later than usual this morning, maybe because of a long afternoon of fresh air, sunshine and mom conversation at the playground. Some part of me had fallen into a more relaxed state and I will gladly accept this. My computer screen, upon awakening, featured an old James Taylor song I had never… Continue reading You Can Sing This When I’m Gone