Category: Uncategorized

Screaming at Trees

There is a flowering tree a couple of blocks from our house, on the way to the playground. The pink, slightly purpled blooms are just about full now, which used to signify that we would soon be passing by frequently to play in the sprinkler and savor the length of the days. When you have… Continue reading Screaming at Trees

Walking, and Holes

I walk a lot these days. To stay strong and healthy, to try to lose weight and clear my mind. My legs are moving and my mind is wandering. So many past places to remember and visit, so many things to hear and see and imagine. Today is Susanna’s anniversary, one year since she died… Continue reading Walking, and Holes

Syncope

Syncope (via Vasovagal Response). That is medical terminology for fainting, passing out. I learned the term at a doctor’s office because it happened to me recently. I was brushing my teeth Monday morning and became suddenly very dizzy, waited for the spinning to subside and instead blacked out and fell over into the bathtub. Screamed for… Continue reading Syncope

The Birthday Party Goes On

Today is Susanna’s birthday, six years since I gave birth to her. It has also become “Susanna’s Day of Kindness”, with people doing amazing things because they know about her. I am not ready to write about that today. There are intense happenings inside of me which have not crystalized into words yet. I will… Continue reading The Birthday Party Goes On

Why I Do Not Have a Tattoo

I thought about getting a tattoo after Susanna died. Pictures of a potential self to become drifted through my mind at times, and for some reason she had black hair, skull shaped silver rings and tattoos. Also I understood the permanence, a person’s memory inked into your body for the life span of the body,… Continue reading Why I Do Not Have a Tattoo

Dance

So many things make sense to me since Susanna crossed over. Nothing makes you more human than joining the universal community of the bereaved, I get that now. People who chase and escape death by daredevil sports, I get that. Celebrities who adopt children in unusual numbers, I get that. They do not want to… Continue reading Dance

Primal Voices

A week from Tuesday it will be six years since I gave birth to Susanna via VBAC. I began pushing at around four thirty in the afternoon and kept pushing, to no avail, for maybe ninety minutes. We made some headway (no pun intended) and finally I received some type of inspiration from within to… Continue reading Primal Voices