Children have a strong sense of justice. Pretty much if a child says something is not fair, it is not. I am not a perfect mother but I never have and never would answer with “Life isn’t fair.” Life is not fair, but this is not an excuse to treat someone of any age unfairly… Continue reading Life Isn’t Fair
Author: trishfreer
Mother, writer, artist and teacher grappling with grief and loss.
“I Smell Bread”
I can only speak for myself, but I have always wanted to know about the afterlife and given it a lot of thought. Why am I here, where am I going, what is the purpose, all of that, as far back as I can remember. I set out on a search this morning (via my… Continue reading “I Smell Bread”
Susanna and Mii
Yesterday I had been driven inside by the cold and resorted to Wii Fit U, Free Run, in lieu of my walk in the park. The simulated run was icy in appearance, snow falling in seasonal nature graphics. Somehow it was dark in my running world though it was only 3 PM, but I did not mind following… Continue reading Susanna and Mii
Noise, and Silence
My son is noisy to the point of hurting my ears. Not at school or in public places, there he is rather shy. I mean at home. There is much guttural screaming for the sake of screaming. There are a range of funny voices and accents and bizarre fits of laughter. Sometimes he falls into… Continue reading Noise, and Silence
Flower Sniffer
The story of Ferdinand the bull set a tone for my life early on. I believe it was written in the thirties, the story of a Spanish bull mistakenly taken as a fighter when he was actually a gentle flower sniffer. Fighting happens and can be necessary, but I certainly do not like it. I… Continue reading Flower Sniffer
The Birthday Party Goes On
Today is Susanna’s birthday, six years since I gave birth to her. It has also become “Susanna’s Day of Kindness”, with people doing amazing things because they know about her. I am not ready to write about that today. There are intense happenings inside of me which have not crystalized into words yet. I will… Continue reading The Birthday Party Goes On
Why I Do Not Have a Tattoo
I thought about getting a tattoo after Susanna died. Pictures of a potential self to become drifted through my mind at times, and for some reason she had black hair, skull shaped silver rings and tattoos. Also I understood the permanence, a person’s memory inked into your body for the life span of the body,… Continue reading Why I Do Not Have a Tattoo
Dance
So many things make sense to me since Susanna crossed over. Nothing makes you more human than joining the universal community of the bereaved, I get that now. People who chase and escape death by daredevil sports, I get that. Celebrities who adopt children in unusual numbers, I get that. They do not want to… Continue reading Dance
Primal Voices
A week from Tuesday it will be six years since I gave birth to Susanna via VBAC. I began pushing at around four thirty in the afternoon and kept pushing, to no avail, for maybe ninety minutes. We made some headway (no pun intended) and finally I received some type of inspiration from within to… Continue reading Primal Voices
Susanna’s Golden New Year
New Years Day seems like a good day to start a blog. Onward and upward. This is the first year in which my daughter Susanna will not be here, in the physical body sense. Since last April 22 (Earth Day, 2014) no prior knowledge of how to live my life seems to apply in the same… Continue reading Susanna’s Golden New Year
Susanna's Golden Ball 