It’s Susanna’s birthday today. She was born sixteen years ago, during a deep freeze and snowstorm. The pipes froze while she was arriving, but the iron boiler installed in the kitchen of our new basementless home chugged on. The ice clogs within the pipes dissolved soon after, and Cesar washed the pile of dishes… Continue reading Unfrozen
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“I’m Here”: A Fictional Halloween Story (2022)
It would be nice to feel sad when you want to, instead of when you do. I am sad again. I have a lot going on, more to be revealed in future blogs. I am searching for and finding various places where I belong in the world. One thing I know is that Susanna brought… Continue reading “I’m Here”: A Fictional Halloween Story (2022)
Dumb Supper
The veil is thin, October, and I am surrounded by mist. I can sometimes feel droplets, the atmosphere is cool and blurry. My awareness vacillates, I can be here or somewhere else. Susanna’s death, now years ago, pushed me toward an edge which became my home. Life/death, death/life, this blurry line is home. My… Continue reading Dumb Supper
“Kiss the Sky for Me.”
Remote teaching has reminded me of what I know about trying to communicate with the discarnate. You know others are there, yet you are not with them, and seek validation. It’s not exactly the same but teaching art class from my kitchen makes me dig inside and hope my experience can help and inspire someone. I… Continue reading “Kiss the Sky for Me.”
Palisades, and Screaming
The Palisades were in front of me, “New Jersey’s Grand Canyon”. Formed 200 million years ago, they were named by native people for rows of trees, Europeans for fence posts. In the fall, the cliffs are blotted with iridescent blobs of foliage in photos. I feel like I have painted them a million times. I… Continue reading Palisades, and Screaming
Susanna’s Golden Mouse
At first, I was the only one who had seen the mouse. A flash of golden fawn, confusing. The first time was under the sink by the garbage can, followed by twice in my son’s room, on and around the old, crappy, black futon with built in storage. We have had many a mouse… Continue reading Susanna’s Golden Mouse
I Have Covid-19, Don’t Panic
I have COVID-19. I cannot prove it, I am not eligible for a test, but I am certain beyond a reasonable doubt. I am one of the approximately eighty percent recovering at home with no test. So grateful that this is so. This is the story. I felt it best to share this, as I… Continue reading I Have Covid-19, Don’t Panic
Two Weeks Past Imbolc
When meditating yesterday, during this coldish winter break, I received some late winter advice. “It is not time to gather a bunch of flowers yet, but still time to gather a bundle of firewood”. I have stretched this message into urban life, no fireplace here but I continue to ride out some winter. Winter has… Continue reading Two Weeks Past Imbolc
Dreams, and my Mom
My Mom passed a few days ago. There is much to be said about her, I loved her very much. But I am going to write about a dream I had. My Mom’s passing is the end of one story but the beginning of some others. Last week, my Mom lie resting in an… Continue reading Dreams, and my Mom
Earth Day Again
Five years ago, today, my daughter, Susanna Elizabeth Freer Sanchez, died. She was being prepared for a brain scan following the rupture of an aneurysm which no one knew about and a subarachnoid hemorrhage on the left side. The night before, she had fallen asleep in the car after visiting her grandmother on the day… Continue reading Earth Day Again
Susanna's Golden Ball 