It would be nice to feel sad when you want to, instead of when you do. I am sad again. I have a lot going on, more to be revealed in future blogs. I am searching for and finding various places where I belong in the world. One thing I know is that Susanna brought… Continue reading “I’m Here”: A Fictional Halloween Story (2022)
Tag: grief
Susanna, the Sheep and My iPad
This photo just popped up from my cloud: Susanna, in a red and white gingham dress, was talking to a sheep. Speckled beige wool poked through a wire cage at the Prospect Park Zoo. We had just fed the ducks and chickens. Over and over, we dropped quarters upon quarters into the corn and… Continue reading Susanna, the Sheep and My iPad
Palisades, and Screaming
The Palisades were in front of me, “New Jersey’s Grand Canyon”. Formed 200 million years ago, they were named by native people for rows of trees, Europeans for fence posts. In the fall, the cliffs are blotted with iridescent blobs of foliage in photos. I feel like I have painted them a million times. I… Continue reading Palisades, and Screaming
Susanna’s Golden Mouse
At first, I was the only one who had seen the mouse. A flash of golden fawn, confusing. The first time was under the sink by the garbage can, followed by twice in my son’s room, on and around the old, crappy, black futon with built in storage. We have had many a mouse… Continue reading Susanna’s Golden Mouse
Dreams, and my Mom
My Mom passed a few days ago. There is much to be said about her, I loved her very much. But I am going to write about a dream I had. My Mom’s passing is the end of one story but the beginning of some others. Last week, my Mom lie resting in an… Continue reading Dreams, and my Mom
Susanna and Mii
Yesterday I had been driven inside by the cold and resorted to Wii Fit U, Free Run, in lieu of my walk in the park. The simulated run was icy in appearance, snow falling in seasonal nature graphics. Somehow it was dark in my running world though it was only 3 PM, but I did not mind following […]
Herbs
Maybe in heaven there are fragrances. If I have a choice, I want to be able to smell the cilantro my Significant Other chops while I am falling asleep sometimes. A lover of toppings and condiments, he likes to eat late at night and meticulously cleans and separates the leaves, then gently taps the knife… Continue reading Herbs
Birth, Death, Menopause and Things Like That
So, today I discussed menopause with my doctor. I discuss menopause frequently lately, whilst dripping with sweat and forgetting the names of people I know. There was something simpler and better about speaking directly to a doctor about it rather than repeating what I have learned by swimming alone or online upon a sea of… Continue reading Birth, Death, Menopause and Things Like That
Holding Space
My son was sitting on the bench with me at the playground, like Susanna used to do. He did not see anyone suitable to play with. Then, the little girl arrived, followed by the rest of her family. Curly dark hair in a ponytail, fluffy tutu with flats, spring in her step, about five or… Continue reading Holding Space
Schoolhouse Earth
Tomorrow is Father’s Day. Coinciding with the last weekend before school is over and I will be untethered for two months. My body, mind and soul feel heavy with anticipation and backwash. I apologize if that does not make sense, but I am clogged and ripe for regurgitation. I have chewed up this last ten… Continue reading Schoolhouse Earth
Susanna's Golden Ball 