Maybe in heaven there are fragrances. If I have a choice, I want to be able to smell the cilantro my Significant Other chops while I am falling asleep sometimes. A lover of toppings and condiments, he likes to eat late at night and meticulously cleans and separates the leaves, then gently taps the knife… Continue reading Herbs
Category: child loss
Birth, Death, Menopause and Things Like That
So, today I discussed menopause with my doctor. I discuss menopause frequently lately, whilst dripping with sweat and forgetting the names of people I know. There was something simpler and better about speaking directly to a doctor about it rather than repeating what I have learned by swimming alone or online upon a sea of… Continue reading Birth, Death, Menopause and Things Like That
Holding Space
My son was sitting on the bench with me at the playground, like Susanna used to do. He did not see anyone suitable to play with. Then, the little girl arrived, followed by the rest of her family. Curly dark hair in a ponytail, fluffy tutu with flats, spring in her step, about five or… Continue reading Holding Space
The Wheat from the Chaff
There is no goodbye. Not in terms of Susanna. Two years ago yesterday was the day my daughter was buried during a day-long driving rain. I was hoping she would like the chapel with stained glass, and the winding pathways in the picturesque historical cemetery. We invited a clergy person who asked my son to… Continue reading The Wheat from the Chaff
Indelible
Haiku. When you want to say a lot, briefly. You need to search for words so you measure and limit your syllables. I am lost in the middle of a long weekend and have posted this on my Facebook page: Today’s Sad Haiku H and R Block form Pressed the red x near her name… Continue reading Indelible
Want
“Want”. That is the word that explains the pain which has held me back lately, and among other things kept me from opening Word and writing. There are so many complaints and trappings piled on top, but the truth is that I ache from wanting. I want to turn off all of the noise. I… Continue reading Want
Salutation, to Today
The Sanskrit poem, “Salutation to the Dawn”, is on my mind this morning. I have been feeling drenched in sadness and confusion the last couple of days and this is a prayer/poem which often has helped me to get through rough times and restore hope. I notice that it does not insist on smiles and… Continue reading Salutation, to Today
Tilt
In light of my recent dizziness issues I took a “tilt table test” last week. My fears about it had grown enormous, but it was not that bad. The tilt table is reminiscent of the strap-laden plank in Frankenstein, the old film, which held the new monster as he was lifted and electrified into life.… Continue reading Tilt
One, Two, Three, Right Now
I searched for a file in my memory, an MTV music file. The song is “Right Now” by Van Halen. With Sammy Hagar, after David Lee Roth had left. The video is full of thought provoking bits of text and I have always remembered this line: “Right now it’s cold where someone you love is”.… Continue reading One, Two, Three, Right Now
Springing Eternal
Easter has been my favorite holiday for a long time. I am not a Christian, I glean wisdom and love from a few different religions but practice none in particular. For me it is the nature holiday of the equinox and the return of life from under the ice, resurrection. Besides matters of weather and… Continue reading Springing Eternal
Susanna's Golden Ball 